before it becomes !!resentment!!

listen -

i love you
and you're my friend
so this is important.

i have always, without question, with unfaltering devotion and sincerity
supported you
in all of your endeavors, creative and otherwise
because i respect you as an artist and - more importantly - as a friend.

never have i told you "can't" or "shouldn't" or "don't"
never have i challenged your artistic integrity
never have i patronized your ideas
never have i tried to hold you back or tether you down

so i'm struggling with the fact that you find yourself
incapable of or unwilling to
do the same for me.

is it so ??difficult??
..to recognize that my ideas are just as valid as yours? to make way for someone else's creativity in addition to your own? to support me, your close friend and artistic peer, in my endeavors? to keep your judgmental comments to yourself? to allow me to make my own decisions, cultivate my own visions, without your help? to refrain from patronizing me? to trust me?

because, contrary to what you may think, i'm not stupid. i'm actually very smart. so you telling me that i "can't" do something only makes me more determined to do it. i hope you know that.

you've announced your opinion to me with the intention of "protecting" me from failure. but it isn't about what you perceive as failure, or success. for me, failure is allowing the opinions of skeptics dictate my actions. failure is succumbing to fear. failure is not following through with something i'm passionate about because of what others may think of me.

so if i do this, to my fullest creative potential, in all artistic honesty, and everyone hates it and calls it complete shit, that isn't a failure - to me. because at least i've done it. and shouldn't art strive for that, rather than appeasing the masses (or perhaps a few people)? shouldn't art be about process, not necessarily product? but, i digress.

all i'm asking is that you show me the same respect and support that i've shown you for as long as i've known you. i'm not an underling of yours, i'm not a child - i'm your peer, and i deserve to be treated thusly. i will not tolerate being patronized. and i shouldn't have to justify my artistic decisions to earn your trust. after all, i've trusted you from the beginning, and -- -- --

i shouldn't even be having to address all of this, really.

...but i hope you've listened...