who killed jenny schecter?

a question that's been on the minds of L-word fans for months

because (let's be real)

we ALL wanted to do it.

now i'm not saying she was always despicable - she wasn't.  we all remember the early days of jenny, the quirky-edgy-rad-fashionable-tragically beautiful days.  we were small-town midwesterners in a brave new lez world with her, we were tortured souls drinking from her idea well, we were her chain-smokin'/self-mutilatin'/sandra bernhard-lovin' alter ego.  FOR THREE/FOUR (depending on your personal tolerance level) FECKING SEASONS.  

and then she snapped.

once production officially started on "lez/le/les girls" there was no longer any hope for a jenny character turnaround.  at this point, BITCH!jenny was an unstoppable force in self-righteous motion.  so, like any other L-word fan with an asshole-tolerance level on the low scale, i resigned myself to hating the be-otch.  

and i do -

but still -

WHAT the FUCK, ilene?  are you fo realz, girl?  because your big, mystery dinner theatre, whodunit bullshit tagline was "who killed jenny?" and your punk ass STILL.HASN'T.TOLD.US.

first of all, the plot line was an idiotic one, let's be honest.  i get it: showtime needed one more season of lesbian squabblery/sexy drama and you needed to deliver because you pinky swore them cross-your-heart you would.  but instead of what we deserved and expected - more of the same trashiness we looked forward to every sunday - you took a big fat shit on our lesbian parade.  for what sadistic purposes, i'm not sure.  all i know is you're an asshole.

listen, i would have been so perfectly content with one more season of less-than-enthralling plots, high-frequency sex scenes, strangely non-committal work and parenting habits, fashion, and the planet.  that would have been just stellar.  instead, ilene, you decided to throw a wild card at us.  it smelled like poo from the beginning, through the middle, and to the end.  oh wait, i forgot, you don't follow basic storytelling structure.  so i guess it was just shit all along.  

and after all that, after i conceded my frustration with the bullshit that was the jenny death subplot, even after i realized that the shitty writing of season one would be no comparison to the clusterfuck of crap that was this season, even after i STILL didn't get see jennifer beals' nipples, i reluctantly resigned myself to "you know what, at least i'll get to see who killed jenny, 'cus that bitch had.it.comin."  and your lazy ass failed to deliver.  it's obvious you didn't even decide to begin with.  someone should get to take credit for that, ilene, and just because you wrote the pilot six years ago doesn't mean it should be you.  

i mean, shit, i would've accepted "colonel mustard in the conservatory with the lead pipe" if it meant a solid answer to your fucking joke of a question.  listen, television isn't rhetorical, ilene. if you didn't already know that, maybe you should go take a class with sandra bernhard (i mean, charlotte birch...) and she can tell you all about the inner workings of a story with plot.  meanwhile, i'm going to beat myself in the head with my dvds of season one and try to dull the painful memory of the shit pile that was season six.  

so go fuck yourself, ilene.

oh, and just for the record,

i think the pomeranian sounder killed jenny.  that would make about as much logical sense as all of the other ass-shavings you ladled into this season.  jesus.