t r u s t

if you've ever been the person
who wants so desperately to trust
and can't...

i know you.

i know you because that's who

i am : i am
perpetually trusting the wrong people and continually
suffering
the consequences.

and i don't really mean to - that's the thing.
i don't really mean to place my trust in the hands of people who,
like little kids with bubble wrap,
can't resist the urge to crush and pop and stomp on it.

and i don't really mean to be so affected by their insensitivity.
after all, we're just human, right?
but then, is it really that much to ask of someone - that they be worthy of trust?
not particularly.

honesty is a fairly simple concept:
easy to execute
with very few repercussions -
a small favor to ask.

because it's
so
fucking
difficult
to keep on giving and giving and giving those kids that damn bubble wrap again and again and again.

it isn't that i don't understand the urge to pop it - i do.
i understand that lying is sometimes easier,
that ignorance is, yes, sometimes bliss,
and that we think of ourselves first and foremost.

what i don't understand is why, despite all this, i keep on placing my trust in people who've proven time and time again that they don't deserve it... who've proven that they don't actually care, despite what they may say... who've acted on selfish, manipulative impulses with little regard for the repercussions.

seriously though,
what the hell is wrong with me?

sometimes i think that maybe i AM that puppet for them to manipulate. sometimes i think i make it all to easy for them to pull my strings.

it makes me wish i just didn't give a damn. caring hurts like a bitch. but i can't change this feeling. i've tried.

so keep urging me through this sickening maze. keep on trying to make me believe your lies, abide your careful masks of sincerity, and eat all the steaming bullshit you shove down my throat.

i'll keep trusting you because i love you.

but do me one favor:
if you're going to lie to me,
if you're going to break that trust,
if you just can't resist the urge,

at least have the decency to fucking admit to it once in awhile.