6.alan rickman

tonight,
in a crisp and cosy pocket of leicester square, london,
i found myself at a crossroads of life.

whilst on my way to "creditors"
(a strindberg piece showing with donmar theatre co.)
i was stopped dead in my tracks:
right before my eyes,
not ten feet away,

was. ALAN. fucking. RICKMAN.



let me explain:
at some point in my life before high school but after age 12,
i found myself curiously obsessed with this man.
i cannot say how or when or why it began,
all i know is this:
it was sick.
and over the course of approximately 7 years,
i painted not one, but two portraits of him,
became infatuated with Colonel Brandon, Metatron, Severus Snape, and many others,
downloaded various sound clips of the "velvet" voice,
searched many a blockbuster for rarities such as "Rasputin" and "Dark Harbor,"
and changed my computer desktop image to a new picture of him every week.
the most monumental statement i can make about this man:
he's the only male alive who i would go straight for.
that's right, folks. he's 63, sexy as hell, and i would switch teams for him.
i'm not ashamed to admit this.

and what's more -
he's taught many a master class at b.a.d.a. before,
and let's just say i've been more-than-pushy towards the b.a.d.a. office staff about getting his fine welsh ass over to regents park to teach us!

thus, you can imagine:
seeing him - FINALLY - was
a BIG MOTHERFUCKING DEAL
in my life.

so standing there tonight, like a deer in the headlights and practically wetting myself,
i was quite quite torn:

do i approach?
what if he's an asshole?
what if he thinks i'm an asshole?
should i interrupt his conversation just to say hello?
am i going to look like a big american idiot?
or will he be flattered and totally cool and personable?
.....
I MUST!

and i did!
i grabbed tess by the hand,
took a deep, deep breath,
and marched forward with all the gusto of an airline stewardess.
at the moment, he was in the middle of what appeared to be quite an animated discussion with two other men (who they were, i have no clue. i only had eyes for mr. rickman) but he looked just as i'd imagine him to (i.e. exactly how he looked on the cover of 'backstage' in august). he had the blonde-ish/brown-ish/gray-ish wispy hair and a delightful grin. he looked older, but not nearly as old as you'd imagine him to look at 63. he was wearing all black (ala severus snape) - slacks, a dress shirt, and a blazer. he was not drinking but i think he'd been earlier. he was warm and lovely and ever-so-sexy. so my heart was beating with all the force of a sledgehammer at this point. i approached with caution, ready for whatever he might throw at me...

the convo went a little something like this:

anne: excuse me? hi! sorry to interrupt your conversation
alan: (turning to face me full on, smiling genuinely and kindly) tha's quite alright
anne: i just had to say hello; i'm a student at b.a.d.a. and, just, a huge fan (very sincere)
alan: oh, thank you. and how do you like b.a.d.a.?
anne: oh god, i love it - it's wonderful!
alan: mmhhmm (a sound of pleased understanding)
anne: and we're going to see "creditors" tonight and i'm so very excited
alan: ah, i do hope you enjoy it
anne: i'm sure we will
alan: (looking at his watch) oh, it's 7:15, you'd better go get your seats
anne: oh yes, yes, we're on our way
alan: alright, do enjoy your time at b.a.d.a.
anne: we will! you should teach a master class!
alan: yes, yes (chuckle) we'll see
anne: i mean, if you can (nervous giggle). but thank you so so very much!
alan: of course - and enjoy my show!
anne: we will, we will!
alan: alright, cheers then
anne: goodnight! (gleeful exclamations)

basically, i've never been so excited to meet anyone in my life.
and the real joy was just how wonderful he was - so kind and appreciative.
the funny thing is, i've had this desperate desire to meet him for so long,
and i sort of had the feeling that it would happen whilst on this trip,
and this week in particular.
i mean, maybe i'm psychic, is what i'm saying...
(only joking)
but seriously,
he's just so phoenomenal,
and if i'd had the opportunity, i would have talked to him at great length about all sorts of things concerning art and theatre and politics and harry potter. it would be the grandest thing of all, i think. but i'm so ecstatic to have met him - and to have had the balls to approach him!! definite pat on the back, there. i'm usually much more of a pansy when it comes to these things. but i knew i'd regret it forever if i didn't sieze my chance right then and there.

so i did it.
and i need to do that more often,
sieze the chance.
it's really quite fulfilling, so..
thanks, alan, for making me grow a pair,
and for being such a beautiful man.

oh, and also,
the show was fantastic.